Opposite Sides of the Same Coin: Former Spouses' Divergent Perspectives in Coping With Their Divorce

The extent to which people are assisted in their adjustment to divorce by their tendency to appraise the breakup in a biased, ego-enhancing fashion was investigated. Comparisons of the perceptions of 90 ex-spouses (45 couples) revealed that (a) ex-spouses did not differ in their positive self-perceptions nor in their negative perceptions of each other; (b) Ss rated themselves more positively along dimensions of responsibility for the breakup, villain/victim status, and desire to reconcile than they were rated by their ex-partner; (c) both partners agreed that the women were more likely to have had control over the separation process than the men; and (d) wives' views of their ex-husband tended to correlate with the men's self-perceptions; men's and women's views of the wives were unrelated. The greater the control over the breakup attributed to one's ex-spouse, the lower one's level of psychosocial adjustment and resolution of the breakup. The article discusses how distorting perceptions of ego-threatening situations may facilitate adjustment to and maintenance of change.